Delivery Man
The moon shone wearily, it seemed as if it had lost its charm. Everything you heard about the moon would be utter lies if you saw how it looked that night. Pale with no radiance whatsoever, ever seen a torch bulb grow dim when on low battery?
The man was disappointed. He had to cross the forest and he was banking on the moon to show him the path. The parcel had to be delivered. The laddoos were important for the wedding. After all his mother had put in so much effort and how shamelessly he had pleaded the grocer for some besan on credit. All for a stupid cousin, who was finally getting married. "Family" he said and shrugged. The route looked challenging.
Nevertheless, he trudged his way through the foliage, battling creepers and ignoring the eerie noises that his footsteps made as he walked. Twigs broke under his weight and the owls hooted when they saw him.
Was there a old man with a lantern really walking behind him? Haria had said that if you looked back, you would be burnt alive. There was no amber glow anywhere but still he increased his pace. Then he remembered what his mother had told him, were there corpses really hanging down from the trees all over the forest? The shapes on the banyan tree, could they be dead people? He was sweating profusely now. Wiping his brow with his kerchief, he muttered a prayer and continued to walk.
He slowly turned around expecting to see the old man with the lantern. Haria wasn’t lying after all. But instead he was met with the bushes. There was nobody. Fear conquered his heart and he could feel it beating in his abdomen. He wanted to scream but he couldn’t. Goosebumps were all over his body and a cold wind had started to blow. He could feel himself shaking. Beads of perspiration were running all over his face and his shirt was damp, the wind making him cold.
Just when he realized what had just happened, he heard it again. “Vishnu!” and the hand was on his shoulder. Holding on tight, as if challenging him to turn around, this time, he had lost all his courage. Clutching the dabba, he chanted all the prayers his mother had made him recite, but the grip didn’t loosen. He was shaking now, uncontrollably, tears welled up in his eyes and he was certain, his heart would give up. He could feel it. Death was on its way, there was no oxygen in the air. He choked and the dabba fell on his leg. With great struggle, he picked it up and turned around to face death.
This time it was no different. There was nobody, the grip on his shoulder had vanished. Stunned, he stood there for a moment. And then something rustled and the forest air resonated with his name. “Vishnu!!” It was his cue, before the hand gripped him again, he dashed off. He ran, he ran for his life, quite literally. His name echoed in the night but there was no stopping. He could feel his dhoti growing damp and warm at the same time. But it was not the time for embarrassments or hygiene.
His lungs were giving up and his legs were weak. He could feel his will break but then he saw the lights of the village. He sprinted and reached the clearing of the forest. And then came the calm. The wind was soothing and the moon glowed. The stars twinkled and he could hear the din of the wedding house.
He could barely manage to stand up straight but unsteadily he made his way to his destination. The next day, Vishnu lay in bed battling hallucinations and a high fever, but the laddoos had made it to the wedding and appreciated by everyone. Vishnu had completed his task and had a tale to narrate at the chowk.
Comments
But, seriously, amazing style man.
And the best part is, how you executed the "show, don't tell" part of describing scenes. Instead of using complex words, you've used simple writing to express great emotion. Respect.
I'm a fan.
(BTW, yes, the plot, specially the climax, could've been better.)
I am honoured. This was my first attempt at spooky writing and a fan already? Thanks so much.
I hope I can manage to come up with a better plot now. It was very impromptu writing you know. Thanks so much for the kind words and the feedback.
Rushikesh.
P.S: Btw how did you come across the blog?
I suppose Delshad and You go to the same college.
:-) Keep writing!
You too keep writing!
Rushikesh
Cheers! Keep at it!
:)
Except, you know, it all ended too fast you could've added some more lines to describe the deadly silence of the forest or the journey of the man through the forest, which could've been more treacherous which would've added to the chill.
Overall, its a great first! Looking out for more!
thanks, will keep that in mind ;) thanks so much for reading!
thanks a ton and you too! Don't stop. You can write. Well!